Why? well picture the scene - 8a.m happily getting ready for my sons birthday sleepover - krispy buns everywhere - just started on the flourless chocolate cake (one of his mates is gluten intolerant so often has a miserable time at parties avoiding foods he can't eat), kids had their tidying and decorating orders (and were generally ignoring them except for the fun one's) and the dog was chasing the cat - a typical chaotic happy scene. Then the post arrives and my son rushes in with a card addressed to him - I take one look at it and my heart sinks and before I can stop my son opening it he has. There it is a card from his Father containing a £30 postal order (because I can't be trusted to give him any money!!) and a card posted yesterday saying that he really misses him and looks forward to seeing him soon. Pretty innocuous you may say - however this sent my son into a state of confusion and fear. Why so well:
- firstly there is a no contact order in place which means their father is to have no contact of any form until the children are 16 - this was after many years of trying to ensure safe regular contact to no avail
- secondly, my son will not go to childminders for fear his dad will turn up an take him - he is a police officer and has told his son He will always find him - my son told the court welfare officer he is scared his dad will take him and hurt him again - so he now thinks that his dad is gonna turn up at his school or at the house and is frightened His father knows of this fear as it has been discussed in great detail in court with evidence from Court Welfare, Social Workers and Child Workers and his school work
- thirdly the card was sent 2 days after my sons birthday - sent to arrive on the nearest Saturday (when we normally have his parties) to disrupt it - he did the same last year and was warned in court not to do this
- fourthly my son wants to believe that his dad loves him and doesn't mean his behaviour
We will ignore the fact that he was warned last month for doing exactly the same at my daughters birthday - told of how he had upset her and that he was in breach of the order. Some may see this as a father simply trying to send his children cards. They are wrong. When their father was allowed contact, he ignored their birthdays, making excuses not to attend their parties, not giving them presents or cards - the same for Christmas. This is about him saying that he can ignore court orders (also this month he has ignored a High Court Order in respect of paying half the mortgage - he simply told the building society to go ahead and repossess the house before the sale - it was of no concern to him - this is the third time he has tried to make us homeless!!). So this isn't done with a sense of guilt or love - if he loved his children he wouldn't try to make them homeless - it is done by a very manipulative and controlling man who wants to upset days that should be a celebration , that should be happy, the same as he has always done.
I have already e-mailed my solicitor who will tell me that the courts will simply tell him off again. Now this is a man who is a police officer training other police officers and is in breach of 3 court orders this month. I know that their response will be that if he is off duty it is none of their concern despite him being in breach of his Code of Conduct. So what can I do - except pick up the pieces, hug my children and have a great day in spite of him. what upsets me the most is that I have tried everything, I have done all the right things, gone through all the right processes to ensure mine and the children's safety and even with all the orders in place no-one seems to care that they are being broken and I still feel that all the strings are being pulled by him and he now has the children wondering if whether he is trying to make an effort or not which is really confusing for them again. In the meantime we still do not have his permission to move to Scotland and so I am in the hands of the courts again who are allowing a man that they believe should have no contact with the children to have a say in where we live and so keep my children from being with their family in Scotland. I would give up but I won't. I will do whatever it takes to keep my children safe and happy but also to ensure that I am safe and happy - as I too have that right. I look forward to a time when I do not fear birthdays and Christmas wondering what stunt their father is going to pull next - what he will do to hurt us. I look forward to a time where I can live close to my family so that I can have some kind of life other than the children and they can enjoy being with cousins and I look forward to a time when I am finally free of this controlling bully and that the courts finally see what they are doing to mothers by allowing this behaviour to go unpunished, unchallenged. In the meantime I will fight the good fight and continue with my baking endeavours (hopefully not burning too much)!!